CLASH OF THE TITANS

In this corner we have:

THE LACE MONITOR, Varanus varius



The Lace monitor is Australias 2nd largest lizard. The desert Perintine beats it in size. But an adult lace monitor grows to between 1.5 and 2 metres in length,with very powerful limbs and strong claws for scaling large tree in the hunt for birds. The Monitor also has very powerful jaws for hunting on the ground.

They're distributed throughout Eastern Australia.

FACT: When startled, a lace monitor will run towards the nearest tree climbing up the trunk to safety. If a particularly tall human is standing nearby, the monitor may mistake them for a tree, causing major slashing from the talon-like claws as it ascends.
FACT: Lace Monitors have incredibly acidic urine. If they whiz from above and hits you, it burns like acid.
FACT: Lace monitors have incredibly sharp teeth that they use to slash rotting carrion. Their teeth are hollow and are filled with poison-like bacteria and rotting bits of flesh. Like the Komodo Dragons (the worlds largest lizard), after been bitten, the prey will often die shortly after from infection. All the monitor has to do is follow the scent of death to it's feed.


In the other corner we have:

MY DAD, Bob "Bashem" Fraser



Bob is the 59 year old father of 4 sons and husband to the Susan. Bob is 6ft tall, and grey of hair.
He makes his home in Sydney, can also be found at various times of the year around the world on various business and grand prix yachting regattas.
On weekends he likes to spend his time on his country house north of Sydney nestled in the bush, or out on his boat either on the Sydney Harbour or the Hawkesbury River/Pitwater river system.

FACT: Bob has a tendency for adventure and showing off.
FACT: Bob is not afraid of fast machines or wild animals.
FACT: Bob has been known to jump bareback on strange horses in order to ride them in the hope of impressing those around him. He has been known to break his leg TWICE in his lifetime in this endeavor.

The BATTLEGROUND for this epic battle was Hallots Beach, Hawkesbury River last sunday, where Bob thought the two monstrous lace monitors who make the beach their home might like some sausages from his bbq.

Perhaps, fight-fans, Bob had read the Australian Reptile Park's website description of the lace monitor where it says "In certain areas lace monitors have learned to find food around picnic areas, scavenging around tables and in rubbish bins. Some have even become so tame they can be hand fed."

But perhaps he should've read the Wires website before trying to impress his friends. "It will defend itself against humans by inflicting serious wounds."

Maybe.

Or maybe this particular lace monitor simply couldn't tell where the sausage ended and Bob's hand began?

Before Bob knew what happened, the large lizard lockjawed his hand and began to thrash and roll, causing massive tissue slashing to the "hand that fed it". The only way the behemoth reptile was going to release Bob was by slicing through the flesh.

"It felt like razorblades", Bob later said as he retold the story to his son over the phone.

Although there was no nerve damage and no apparent infection, the judges declared: ROUND ONE VICTORY TO THE GOANNA!